Slabs on side of new building are part of government’s radical new policy on crime
Harry Shannon
People passing by the new Toronto Courthouse in downtown Toronto have been puzzled by the slabs extending from the east side of the building (shown in the photo). ProbablyMaybe can now reveal their purpose. They are an integral part of the law-and-order agenda of Premier Doug Ford and the Conservative government.
We saw the leaked script of announcement describing the new policy. It came from the office of Attorney-General Doug Downey.It is believed that Downey planned to include it in a speech to a Tory party meeting next month.
One part read: “As we all know, the wheels of justice run too slowly. We are introducing a novel way to speed things up. It combines two historical approaches. The first is walking the plank, that pirates made crew members do when they took over a ship on the high seas.
“The second is from the Salem witch trials. Officials would tie up suspected witches and drop them into water. If they floated, they were a witch. Here in Ontario, people accused of certain serious crimes will have to ‘walk the plank.’ For more severe crimes we will use higher planks. Just as women who survived their dunking were found guilty of being a witch, so too will those who survive their fall be deemed guilty of their crime.”
ProbablyMaybe contacted Premier Doug Ford about those who die from the fall and are thus deemed innocent of the charge against them. The Premier stated: “Our police know who the real criminals are. Anyone they accuse is a bad guy and we know far too many of them are found not guilty because of technicalities or tricks by their lawyers. Those accused of these crimes have already done many bad things and deserve what’s coming to them. I support our police 110 per cent. Only the anti-police elites will oppose this.”