Harry Shannon
Late in August, the British Museum moved a bust of its slave-owning founding father, Sir Hans Sloane. It was described as an attempt to confront the museum’s links to colonialism.
In a surprise follow-up, Hartwig Fischer, the museum’s director, announced that the museum will change its name. It will henceforth be known as “The Loot.”
“After all, most of what we have here has been plundered from around the world,” said Fischer. “So this is a more accurate description. We had some people complain to the Advertising Standards Authority that it was wrong to claim what we have is British. Almost none of it is, and we’re just trying to face facts. And of course I’m not even British myself. I’m sure you’ll agree that the new name, The Loot, has a nice ring to it, much better than before.”
A journalist asked Fischer if the museum will be returning items to the countries they came from. “In particular,” said the journalist, “will you be returning the Parthenon Marbles to Greece?” The Greek government has long demanded their return.
“I assume you mean the Elgin Marbles,” replied Fischer, using the museum’s name for them. “No, we will not. If we did that with them and the other artifacts from overseas, we would have almost nothing left. The whole point of renaming the museum The Loot is to acknowledge that it‘s stuff that was taken. How much more do you want from us? No, we’re keeping it all.”
Fischer continued: “Britain is in the club of former colonial powers. We admit that. But as the old American Express slogan put it – membership has its privileges.”
Update 23 February 2021. Little did I know, but it turns out that the word loot was itself ‘looted’! A review of a couple of books about the British Empire notes that it comes from the Hindi word ‘lut’ which means the spoils of war. How ironic.