Harry Shannon
Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison admitted in a press conference today that he won’t change his government’s climate policy. “We mine and export coal, and burn it here to produce electricity. It’s just too important for the economy not to do it,” he said.
When reporters asked him about the future for his children, he said: “I’d do anything for my kids. As you know, I promised them a vacation in Hawaii, and despite the bushfires, I kept my promise. Sure, my wife could have taken them on her own, but I thought I could manage the bushfires better after I’d had a bit of fun on my holiday.”
Pressed further, Morrison said: “Besides, there are several MPs who say there’s no link between carbon emissions and climate change. Heck, they don’t even believe there is such a thing as climate change. We have to allow for many views on this topic.”
Morrison added: “It’s always important to see the other side. One or two of my MPs don’t believe the earth is round, and many party members say gravity is just a theory.”
When reporters asked if any had tested their ideas about gravity, Morrison noted: “They say that if we hadn’t closed Ayer’s Rock [Uluru] to the public, they would happily climb to the top and step away from the edge. Actually a couple of them did that a while ago.”
Reporters asked if they could interview the two people involved. Morrison said: “They don’t want to talk to the press about it. Well, what I really mean is, they can’t talk to the press. One of them is six feet under, and the other is in hospital with severe injuries. But the fact that the death and injuries happened immediately after they went over the edge and hit the ground below does nothing to prove the theory of gravity. It was just a coincidence.”